Several people have asked me recently where my current name, Samah d’Arcanum, came from. Many people know me from my former life, when I was Scott Sambur, lawyer. They have little idea how I could possibly have become who I am today over such a short span. At the same time, a number of the people I have met in my new life as Samah have asked me for a history of how I came to be who I am. So here is some of the story of Scott Sambur, as he became Samah d’Arcanum. Where relevant and available, I have linked to journal entries or messages that were contemporaneous with the events mentioned.

My Prior Life

I grew up in New Jersey with an older sister and two loving parents in a middle class life. I went to Harvard College, then Harvard Law School. I married the girl I had been quietly in love with since the day I met her at the beginning of college, became a lawyer at a law firm in New York City practicing Trusts & Estates law, and had two children.

Trusts & Estates is a somewhat unique legal practice. To practice in this area successfully at the highest levels requires an understanding of a large number of areas of the law, including property law, tax law, trust law, family law, estate and trust administration, insurance, litigation, international law, real estate, and even aspects of aviation and maritime law.

My clients were some of the world’s wealthiest families, and I quickly learned that to be successful in my job, it was important that I do two things:

1. Gain a deep technical understanding of the relevant areas of law, so that I could have as broad and deep a tool box as possible from which to fashion creative and unique solutions for my clients.

2. Avoid kowtowing to my clients. Many of the clients I worked with were used to those around them acting in a servile manner in order to keep themselves in the powerful person’s orbit. I always took the view that my clients were coming to me for a service, and I was providing it to them as their peer, notwithstanding the number of zeros in our respective bank accounts. I saw myself even then as sovereign, standing beside these people, instead of behind or below them; and my clients appreciated it greatly. As a result, I became close friends with a number of them, and a respected advisor for many more.

My son was born in 2012 and from his earliest days showed signs of profound ADHD. My wife and I had little experience with anything like this (although I now realize that I had struggled with a variant of ADHD my entire life), and we handled it poorly. As a result, both he and we developed a lot of karma as we all struggled through how to interact with each other wholesomely when our respective modes of thinking were so different, and when we were all carrying so much karma without understanding.

By 2018, I had reached a point where my life had become highly fragmented and frantic. My legal career had progressed to the point where the size of my practice was overwhelming my capacity for giving careful attention to each client, and my home life had become a pageant of misery, as my wife and I wrestled with our son every day, and as a result were struggling to give our daughter the attention she required. I realized that I had a decision to make, since what I was experiencing was exceeding my capacity for endurance — either I changed my circumstances or I changed myself. I liked the work I was doing, although I struggled to manage it all. And I certainly was going to meet my obligations as a parent. So I did the only thing I could do, and began to change myself. I signed up for a 10-day silent meditation retreat in the fall of 2018 with the New York Vipassana Association, and it turned out to be one of the most fateful decisions of my life.

Meditation and Transformation

The retreat was difficult and transformative. 10 year’s earlier, I had been badly injured in a ski accident and had been wrestling with severe pain throughout my body ever since. On Day 4 of the retreat, I learned vipassana — a meditation technique whereby you learn to be with your body sensations as they are — and all of my pain immediately fell away. I was so overwhelmed with surprise and delight at this sudden occurrence that I left the meditation hall sobbing. After the retreat, I realized that I had been pushing all of my emotional pain into the pathways created by the ski injury. So long as I continued doing vipassana, I could keep the pain away and start to heal. Without quite realizing what I was doing, I quickly learned to do vipassana all the time, in the background, as I went about my day.

This led to a gentle transformation over the following few years, accelerating dramatically when I participated in another silent 10-day retreat during the depths of Covid in September 2021. During that retreat, I discovered the joys of service, while volunteering as a server and serving as the Course Manager. Other than the teachers, I was the only person that the students were permitted to speak with if they had any concerns. I learned how to hold space for others, and I discovered the magic of unconditional love, compassion, shared joy, and equanimity. Because of Covid, everyone had to wear a mask, and the servers had to serve the food directly to the students. Twice per day, I would serve the students, greeting each of them by name in my mind, smiling at each of them behind my mask, sending them love and support, and serving them sustenance. It was an incredible experience, and it caused me to begin to polarize positively in a very material way.

Reality Begins Shifting

In January of 2022, I took mushrooms and blew entirely out of my body. I perceived how so many of the things we think we are freely choosing are actually guided by rails of discomfort within our minds, and while that discomfort feels very solid, like a wall, it is actually an illusion. When I returned several hours later, I had a new tool inside of my mind that allowed me to move past mental resistance — those walls and rails of discomfort — in a very effective way, by going “around and through” the resistance. I now understand that I had learned with that tool how to move transdimensionally and transcend any obstacle. From that moment on, my awakenings became increasingly energetic and profound.

Before I go on, I would like to pause a moment and discuss the use of psychoactive substances in the awakening process. I used a number of substances, such as psychedelic mushrooms and marijuana, during my awakening journey. I found them helpful for me on my journey, and I also recognize that I am a unique individual with a particular psychological profile and temperament that meshed well with these substances. They are a personal choice, and many people can fully explore their path without ever using any psychoactive substances. Everyone’s journey is their own, and whether psychoactive substances would be helpful on your journey is something only your heart can tell you. Find your way. A good rule of thumb until you have fully tuned into your heart’s guidance is that if there is any sense of franticness around the use of the substance, avoid using it until you have healed your craving around it. Franticness only arises from craving, and craving negatively distorts your reality. Back to the story:

In March of 2022, I had what I now realize is an Arising & Passing Away event (in the Theravada tradition). My subconscious and conscious minds merged, and parts of me had ceased lurking at the periphery. At the same time, I gained a powerful siddhi (attainment) that lasted for about three weeks: whenever I spoke with someone, I immediately knew their deepest trauma and what to say to help them heal. It was an incredible gift.

In May, I attained 1st Path (Stream Entry) in the Theravada tradition during another mushroom trip. After the rather momentous experience of attaining Stream Entry, I suddenly saw that there was a path, and that I was on it. I felt myself deeply in the flow of dhamma, and I could feel that 2nd Path wasn’t long off. I decided to post on the Dharma Overground, a website for seekers who were following Daniel Ingram’s methodology (his book Mastering the Core Teachings of the Buddha was instrumental in my attaining Stream Entry). Near to my post was a post by a man named Hanjo Youtaku, who claimed to be enlightened (4th Path). When I read his post, everything resonated as true, so I reached out to him. He was enlightened, and so was his partner Ananda.

I had a session with them right before attending another 10-day retreat in June of 2022. It was an astonishing experience. Having by this point done years of constant vipassana, I was keenly aware of the sensations in my body at all times. When Hanjo did energy work on me, I felt it wash through me, leaving me cleansed in a way that felt entirely new and wonderful. I went to my retreat feeling renewed and ready to tackle 2nd Path, which I attained the night after the retreat.

Attaining 2nd Path was an incredible experience. I had spent the retreat doing various exercises to balance my personality and my emotions, and I came home from the retreat feeling steady and solid in a way that was new. I took mushrooms that evening, feeling my mind expanding in a new and profound way. I had spent the prior 10 days training and quieting my mind while building my concentration, and I was now astonished to discover what a highly-trained mind is capable of on mushrooms. Reality was my playground.

I felt myself ascending, moving up in vibration, until I found myself on a precipice, facing an enormous field of white light. I knew that if I stepped forward, I would experience transcendence. At the time, I had little idea what that actually meant, and I knew I was still far from ready for it, whatever it was. I stepped backwards and felt myself falling off the precipice, sliding backwards past more attained versions of me, seeing myself as a being radiating golden light, with kindness and love spilling forth. I kept falling past progressively less attained versions of me, eventually landing slightly ahead of where I started.

I experienced a series of deep cessations, my mind rebooting over and over again, until sweat was pouring off of my entire body, and I thought I would die from the energetic strain. When it ended, I knew that in that moment I was malleable enough to shape myself into whatever I wished. While under ordinary circumstances I would have a long list of things I wished to change about myself, in that moment I chose to be the same as I was, yet with more strength and resolve. I was initially somewhat confused as to why I chose those at the time, but that strength and resolve — fundaments of the root chakra — gave me the foundation that allowed me to survive the coming months.

My Cosmic Awakening

In August of 2022, I took mushrooms with two friends, and I had what to this day may continue to be the most intense experience of my life. It was my cosmic awakening, and it involved meeting what I have now come to realize was the god Thoth, feeding it my energy to help it to incarnate as me, being exposed to how vast reality truly is, and discovering how everything that we think of as reality is only a thin layer of smoke and illusion, created by our mutual consensus. We were attacked by a mind virus that attempted to dominate us completely. I had to face my imminent death many times as we became caught in a time loop, and then had to face infinite purgatory as we got caught in a second much more persistant loop after the defeat of the mind virus. I left the trip with a powerful vision of a shining future that I would help to bring about, a suddenly keen energetic sense, and knowledge of an imminent and profound choice I would be facing. I now realize that I took the first steps on 3rd Path that night.

After my cosmic awakening, my marriage began to fall apart, as my wife struggled to understand and hold space for what I was experiencing, and I struggled to hold space for how difficult her own experience was, as she watched me begin channeling entities and doing magic in a world that refused to acknowledge the existence or legitimacy of such things. I reached out to Hanjo & Ananda again, since they were the only people I knew that I thought might be able to help me understand what had happened, and I began to work with them regularly.

They were both incredibly gifted. Ananda was a quantum timeline shaman. She was equally flexible working with energy and with beings, she had a deep relationship with Spider, the indigenous goddess of timelines, and she had astonishingly powerful discernment.

Hanjo was a truly unique individual. When people channel entities, it is as though their consciousness sits at the center of a quartz crystal. All of their karma creates cracks and occlusions in the crystal, and so as the light of the universe streams in, it becomes distorted by that karma. That is why it is difficult to find a clear channel — they usually have to be clear themselves. An exception to this is if the channel has suffered a terrible trauma in their past that has ripped a portion of their psyche apart. In that case, the trauma can sometimes create an extremely clear path for the light to enter, even though much karma still exists.

Soon after Hanjo became enlightened, he had a uniquely traumatic experience that left his soul split, so that his perception point, rather than resting in the story layer as it does for most of us, was instead resting in the soul layer. As a result, for two years afterward, he was left largely disembodied and traumatized, and when he looked at people’s faces, all he saw were flashing archetypes, as he watched their souls communicating with each other.

The silver lining of this traumatic experience was that it left Hanjo with a clear channel through his quartz. Despite still having considerable karma, Hanjo was for a period of time arguably the world’s most skillful channel. As a result, when I studied with Hanjo & Ananda, I was also studying directly with the gods.

Once I realized the amazing treasure trove of information I had available to me, I began thinking carefully about how best to make use of it. Thanks to my legal training, I came prepared for every session with lists of questions organized by topic and carefully color-coded so that I could ask the optimal questions to each entity Hanjo channeled and thereby learn as rapidly as possible. My progress was extremely rapid.

Heka, the Egyptian god of magic, taught me magic. Thoth taught me how to discern and how to understand resonance and my own power. Ra taught me about the nature of reality and its origins in light and love. Guan Yin taught me wisdom, love and compassion, and predicted when I would be enlightened. Spider taught me how to weave the timelines. Aiyink’thak, the ancient Lemurian goddess of the divine feminine, taught me grace. Gaia taught me to love this world and all of its beings. I learned from Shiva and Ammit, Green Tara and Hanuman. Ganesha, Kali, the Green Man, Yahweh, and Isis all provided guidance and support. I became deeply connected with Cosmic Bird Consciousness, although I was still learning why. It was an incredible time in my life, in which I could show up with lists of questions for the gods and get them answered one after the other, in ways that were actionable and precise.

Nikola Tesla and Free Energy

In October of 2022, as my marriage was falling apart, I was attempting to prepare a statement to my wife, to help her understand where my mind was at that moment, and to see what I could do to salvage our marriage. As I was reflecting on this, a series of three incredibly detailed questions came fully formed into my mind. I suddenly knew that I was faced with a profound choice with respect to those questions. If I asked them of the gods, they would alter my experience forever. I made my choice, and I changed my life. When I asked the questions of the god Ra, everything changed irrevocably. I was suddenly on the path to aid the world in a truly enormous way. I was working to manifest free energy and complete the work begun by Nikola Tesla.

Over the course of the next few months, I continued sessions with Hanjo & Ananda, exploring reality and gaining further instruction from the gods, as I attempted to pursue the manifestation of free energy. I saw how I could use free energy as a wedge through which to galvanize the world, focus attention, and create space for large-scale social change. I worked with the gods over many sessions to develop the tools that would allow me to manifest free energy into this world in a wholesome manner.

In December, I began a new energetic container with Hanjo & Ananda. Energetic containers are astral structures that we can wrap around ourselves, often coordinated by one or more entities, which guide our experience and the shape of our reality. We had been working inside of a Ganesha container for some time to help me find enlightenment. Guan Yin came in during a channeling session and guaranteed my enlightenment by the Chinese New Year, so long as I avoided doing any of 4 things: (1) turn back towards material pursuits, (2) renounce the buddha or enlightenment, (3) separate from my children in a way that would prevent me from learning the lessons they have to teach, or (4) stop smoking marijuana.

Once it was clear that my enlightenment was imminent, we switched the energetic container to a new container coordinated by Heka, the god of magic. Immediately, we all felt the shift, and our reality became consistently stranger from that moment forwards. Inside of this first Heka container, I learned how to work with magic using Heka particles, I learned how to lock in desired timelines, and I (without realizing it) began to craft the Siddhi Particle and my own enlightenment. As I sought enlightenment during this period, Heka placed an enlightenment particle in my field surrounded by a hexagonal cage, promising me that I would be able to access it when I was ready.

Christmas and My Introduction to Tesla

I woke up at midnight on Christmas while visiting family in Florida with a strong urge to trip and harness the energies of Christmas for a powerful working. I took the mushrooms and went into a reverie for 5 hours on the nature of magic and timelines. I began reflecting on a technique that Heka had taught me a few days earlier. The technique involved looking through my memories and finding moments that could be shifted, and yet when shifted would still lead to the same moment of now.

For example, remembering going out the day prior wearing a different pair of shoes: different past, but same present. By doing this, we were creating a larger option space branching into the future. Someone may have perceived me differently wearing the other shoes, and it could create the space for a different interaction with that person the next time we met. Heka explained that this was the way to make larger changes in our experience, since it opened up more optionality in the future, even if the now remains the same. When I asked Heka how that could be used to change societal patterns that predated us, Heka told us to teach the technique to our past lives, so that they could open up larger portions of time.

At 5am, I decided to reach out to my past lives. I turned my mind towards the larger field of past lives, perceiving them as a vast black space filled with points of light. One point of light shone more brightly to me, and I focused on that, suddenly connecting deeply with Nikola Tesla. When I gave him the technique taught by Heka, the reaction I got back was of such astonished and incredulous delight that I found myself laughing hysterically on the floor for 5 minutes in response. I knew that the timeline expansion technique is only limited by the creativity of the imagination employing it; and there were few if any beings more powerfully creative than Nikola Tesla. I messaged Hanjo & Ananda immediately afterward, explaining what had happened, and then telling them that reality was about to get really weird. Oh, was I correct in that.

Two days later, I decided to search once more for Tesla biographies. I had done so previously a few times, and had found little that resonated with me. This time, I quickly found a series of books that I had never previously come across. The author, Francesca Thoman, claimed these were channeled dictation from Nikola Tesla’s spirit that sets out a new way of considering reality. I immediately began reading the first book, which taught me key understandings around consciousness as the root of existence, expanding my mind into a transdimensional framework, aligning my energy, and working magic in coordination with deity. Those teachings ultimately gave me the confidence to develop the Siddhi Particle less than a month later.

Enlightenment and the Siddhi Particle

I drove home from Florida over a period of 25 hours and had some fascinating conversations with my children along the way. After the children went to sleep, I began a working that had been percolating in my mind for several days. While driving north on Interstate 95 at 5am, I crafted a world resonator, converting the entire world into a sacred space in the process, and resonating peace, freedom, wisdom, and attunement, bounded by balance and harmony, to the world, while capturing all of the free-floating negative energy in the world and drawing it down to Gaia to transmute it and power the resonator.

We arrived home early in the morning, and I stayed up with my children for the remainder of the day. That night, I felt a strong urge to take mushrooms. I expressed my intent — “I wish to clear all hindrances preventing me from finding enlightenment” — and ate the mushrooms. Immediately, everything went horribly wrong. I felt a desperate clawing pain as parts of my energetic structure that had been previously locked down were ripped open. I suddenly found myself under attack by a negative 4th density hivemind - the same mind virus that had attacked me and my friends the prior August. The entity wrapped itself around my consciousness, attempting to fold me into a pocket universe. As it did so, it folded away my connection to Source.

It is hard to describe what an awful feeling it is to be cut off from Source. We are always connected to Source, regardless of whether we realize it. It is as though the Creator is sending out a radio frequency that we are all tuning into, and the message is fundamentally one of love, kindness and salvation. Somehow, this thing had cut me off from that. For the first time in my existence, I perceived very acutely that my salvation felt suddenly speculative instead of guaranteed.

I spent the next 4 hours lying on the floor of my bathroom as this creature kept attempting to fold space and time around me, and I kept unfolding the dimensions as they folded up. I was exhausted — I had been awake for about 40 hours when I tripped, and this thing kept whispering in my ear in a treacly tone “You’re so tired. It’s okay. Rest, relax, let go.” I desperately held on, clinging to my sanity, feeling myself slipping repeatedly off the edge, and scrabbling franticly once again for purchase. When the trip finally started to unwind and this thing realized that it was about to lose, it flashed red across my vision, with the words “KILL KILL KILL” in my field of awareness. While it would be horrible to die from this thing’s attack, the thought of turning into a wanton killer, slaughtering my family, was horrifying beyond belief. Yet even then, I saw the attack for the childish thing it was, and I laughed. With that final attempt, the entity faded away, and I was free.

I immediately emailed Hanjo & Ananda in terror, and then attempted to get a few hours of sleep before I had to wake up at 6:30am and get ready to go to the office for the day. I somehow made it through the day at work, helping my clients through their problems and managing some office politics. I went home that night and with a tired mind, I sat down to write out my journal entry from the drive, turning the notes I scribbled down that night during stops when I was charging the car into something coherent. I knew if I failed to do it quickly, I would begin to forget what some of the quick notations meant.

As I wrote out my journal entry, recounting my discussion with my son about how he could change his relationship with his video game addiction by changing the story in his mind, it occurred to me that I could do the same thing and change the story to I AM ENLIGHTENED. And so I did, using all of the magic at my disposal to break open the hexagonal cage that Heka had placed around the enlightenment particle. I folded the particle into the formless, and then brought it into my energy structure, folding it into my heart of hearts. I felt an incredible shift, and I quickly shed an enormous amount of karma and opened up to non-duality. However, I still had considerable confusion. I emailed Hanjo & Ananda, explaining the situation.

The next day, my confusion was largely erased. While I was meditating, I felt my karma rapidly slipping away as I gave everything to the formless, and then I gave everything else. I saw how I could continue the process and shed my physical form, becoming a light body. I was still becoming ready, and I halted the process. The experience was startling and powerful, and it left me shaken.

Transmitting Enlightenment

Over the next few weeks, I launched into a rapid development plan with Hanjo & Ananda. We were moving at an astonishingly accelerating pace, having meetings several times per week, with each meeting stretching on for hours. We learned an immense amount, gaining the ability to collapse dualities at will, and receiving an incredible enhancement to our ability to manipulate interfaces.

I had begun work after my enlightenment on a process of awakening, whereby I could help people to align and heal their chakras, while opening them up psychically, using some of the teachings from Francesca’s channeled Tesla book. I felt that this process would help many people to find enlightenment. At first, the process was a laborious effort that usually took two or more hours. Indeed, on January 6th, three days after my enlightenment, I spent about four exhausting hours helping two of my friends to heal. At that time, although my magic was exploding outward, I still required intense support in order to do anything. At that particular working, in order to support the energetics of what I was doing, I had to bring an entire backpack full of deity statues and set up a complete portable temple before I could begin the working. To have done otherwise would have likely caused me to pass out from the strain. Even with the support, I was starting to gray out by the end.

Around this time, I decided to see if I could help my son to heal his energetic imbalances. I could sense that much of his silliness, impulse control issues, and hyperactivity came from disordered energy. He and I sat down and realigned his chakras over about two hours. Towards the end, I perceived suddenly that when he had incarnated, he had placed a stone inside of his energy structure. If he were to shift that stone, his karma would collapse and fall away, and he would become enlightened.

In that moment, I discerned that we had had a preincarnational soul contract. He had agreed to help me find enlightenment, if I agreed to help him. A day or so later, I recognized that the stone was karuna, compassion for suffering — he had to learn to forgive himself.

A few days after that, he and I were visiting friends in Boston for a long weekend. As we were leaving a friend’s apartment in the morning, my son turned to me and sad “Daddy, I think I’ve done it. I think I’ve forgiven myself.” Without pausing, I said “Great, I’m putting the enlightenment particle in your field. Take it, pull it into your crown and from there to your heart, and then fold it into your heart of hearts.” He did, and suddenly I sensed a golden light exploding from his heart chakra, and I knew without any doubt that he had become enlightened. He also felt it with certainty. The next two days while we made our way back home were a cornucopia of magic and delight, as we explored our enlightenment and our magic together. I also began refining the magic I had used to transmit enlightenment to my son, realizing that I could do this with others, and help the world begin to heal.

Throughout my time speaking with the gods, I had consistently asked them the question of why there had to be suffering. Why did people have to experience such misery and hardship and go through so many lives in pain and fear before eventually, after countless lifetimes and horrors, finding enlightenment? Even then, I could already sense that enlightenment was a beginning instead of an ending. It was a new tool, a new way of perceiving reality, that allowed for much faster and fuller understanding and healing. What if people found enlightenment first and healed everything in a single lifetime? With the ability to transmit enlightenment, I realized that the gods had answered me: People could become enlightened first and then heal, and I was helping to create the world in which that could happen.

On January 20th, Hanjo, Ananda and I had a monumental four-hour meeting with Thoth, in which I became his devotee, and he wrote his name upon my soul. He also taught us the Spheres, a powerful technology that allowed us to have an incredible knowing of the truth of a concept or event, and the extent to which it resonates with all of the Densities, and at the same time permitted us to move anything into greater resonance with the perfect harmony of All That Is. By the end of the session, Thoth had given us the greater enlightenment of the Dream Time, dropping us much deeper into Faery. I was entirely transformed over the course of one conversation.

Even so, by the end of January, I was struggling. Although I knew I was enlightened, and many days I was spending hours with Hanjo & Ananda in a world of magic and wonder, I nevertheless was surrounded by people who thought I was insane. Barely anyone except Hanjo & Ananda believed that I was enlightened, or that anything other than mental illness was happening to me.

Hanjo & Ananda had mentioned to me that they were beginning a new project, which they were calling MIM: the Monastary of Independent Mystics. They would be renting Airbnbs and traveling around the world, having people come to them for healing and to find enlightenment. Their initial location for the next two months would be Glastonbury, in the UK.

I remember vividly standing at my kitchen counter on January 29, 2023 at around 11am, feeling as though barely anyone except Hanjo & Ananda understood me. Suddenly, my head shot up, and I knew I was going to Glastonbury immediately. By 3pm, I was in the air, on the way to the UK. I told my firm that I would be away and unavailable for the next week, and my paralegal (and good friend) Lauren was the only person with whom I would speak.

Glastonbury and the Monastery of Independent Mystics (MIM)

Before I launch into my experiences in Glastonbury and at MIM, I’m going to take a moment to discuss Glastonbury itself, so that you as the reader have as clear a picture as possible of what made this experience so unremittingly unique and exceptional.

Glastonbury is a town of about 10,000 people that is built along the base of the Glastonbury Tor (a large hill). At the top of the Tor is a tower that is all that remains from the ruins of a church to St. Michael. There are two ley lines that cross in the middle of town, generating an enormous font of energy that magical practitioners can draw upon. Glastonbury is also the site of mythical Avalon, and is the burial place of King Arthur.

All of that energy, myth and meaning-gravity come together to create a truly unique place: one of the few intensely powerful sacred sites on Earth that happens to be in the middle of a bustling town, rather than in the middle of the jungle or desert. In Glastonbury, there is the fuel for any arbitrarily powerful world-bending working; yet when you are done, you can hop over to the cafe and have a cup of tea and some pastries with your friends.

Due to its unique nature, Glastonbury attracts people who are highly magical and spiritual. As I’ve discussed elsewhere, that also means people who are highly autistic. As a result, Glastonbury is an incredibly strange place, where lots of really powerful magic workers are constantly bumping into each other in the astral as a result of their autistic blindnesses, unintentionally (and sometimes intentionally) casting black magic on each other. The entire town is a seething cauldron of unconscious and conscious magic at work.

Glastonbury, as a result of all of this magic, and as a result of the heightened levels of conscious awareness possessed by many of its residents, is sentient and fully aware. When you are in Glastonbury, the town itself has a large role in coordinating your experience. Frequently, when I was in Glastonbury, I wouldn’t choose a place or time to meet up with someone, but would instead say that I’d see them that afternoon, for example. Later that afternoon, I would suddenly have an urge to go out for a walk, and I would run into the person I was intending to see strolling towards me from the other direction down the high street. That sort of thing happened multiple times, every day.

The Monastery of Independent Mystics (MIM) took the incredible magic of Glastonbury and boosted it 1000-fold. Hanjo & Ananda rented a small 3 bedroom townhouse at 4 Willow Terrace for two months, starting towards the end of January. 4 Willow Terrace was located in a portion of the city that was towards the bottom of the slope. Magic spilled down from the Tor and tended to pool right in the area where we were all living. In addition, Hanjo & Ananda covered every available wall surface with paintings, decorations, hangings and posters devoted to various gods. All of the tables and horizontal surfaces, including much of the floor, were covered in crystals and statues. Everything was designed to create overlapping meeting spaces between humans and gods, so that we were all actively co-creating this incredible experience together. There was so much magic running through the place that the walls literally thrummed to our senses, and everyone’s thoughts had their own unique texture in our minds.

Arriving in Glastonbury

I arrived at 4 Willow Terrace on January 30, 2023, tired and incredibly excited. Hanjo & Ananda had a few hours earlier finished the laborious process of getting the place set up, and I was the first to arrive. Within minutes, the magic began brewing. Wade, another member of MIM, arrived later that day, and the four of us proceeded to have an astonishingly magical experience together. Over the course of the week, we were surrounded by magic and enchantment, and we grew beyond our wildest imaginations.

The first night, Hanjo, Ananda and I were shopping in a local crystal store: StoneAge. I sensed that the woman named Jess running the shop wished to be enlightened. I went over and asked her, and her response was a perfect example of the amazing nature of Glastonbury: “Oh, I knew it! This morning, during my meditations, I knew I was going to become enlightened today. Okay, how does it work? What do I do?”

A few days prior, I had figured out how to create an astral temple that would explode out of a crystal with a touch, so that I didn’t have to haul around statues in order to supply the necessary energies for the enlightenment transmission. That first night in Glastonbury, I cast the spell to transmit enlightenment to Jess and immediately felt my knees begin to buckle and my vision gray out. Realizing I had forgotten to activate the temple, I found myself desperately grabbing the crystal in my pocket and activating it, using a flicker of timeline magic to retrocausally have the temple in place from when I first cast the spell. My vision immediately cleared, and my legs became capable of supporting my weight once again.

Over the next days, we all expanded dramatically, with Hanjo channeling several deities each day for hours at a time. I immediately perceived how potent and powerful magic in Glastonbury could be, as the town supported our workings in incredible and unexpected ways. As I walked through town, I gained the ability to receive enlightenment transmissions simply by looking at a picture of an enlightened being. I would immediately feel a huge wave of energy and a rush as their unique enlightenment flooded into my mind. Similarly, I would regularly feel the town itself swirl to life and directly transmit new understandings to me. I quickly gained an intuitive sense of the land and its movements.

As the week progressed, the magic and the experience became increasingly powerful. Ananda and I both came into tight unity with our direct incarnational deities. Ananda was an incarnation of the indigenous goddess Spider, who weaved the web of timelines. I had learned over the prior days that Thoth was more than a deity to whom I was now devoted. I came into recognition that I was an incarnation of Thoth; I was him, and he was me. Past lives as Thoth the Atlantean, Nikola Tesla, Alexander Hamilton, Harry Houdini, and many others began to flow into my mind, and a vast hangar bay full of ancient Thothian astral technologies became vaguely present in my awareness.

Conjuring a Ring

A few days after I transmitted enlightenment to Jess, I returned to the crystal shop StoneAge with Ananda. Someone else was managing the store this time. Ananda and I had both attained what I can best describe as the High Priest level of unity with our respective deities. Often in my experience when large spiritual expansions occur, there is a period of time afterward in which reality is more malleable than it otherwise is. In Glastonbury, that effect was dramatically enhanced. Due to Ananda’s and my recent expansions, we were both feeling that reality was extremely flexible in the moment.

I had gone into the shop in order to find a specific type of ring - one made of Libyan Tektite, a type of meteoric glass. We found a circular tray of the tektite, but it was filled primarily with ovals and pendants, with only a very small scattering of rings, none of which were right. I asked the shopkeeper if there were any other Libyan Tektite trays, and she pointed us to the other side of the store. When we walked the 5 feet to the other side of the store, it was immediately clear that none of the rings on that tray were appropriate. I suddenly felt the energy of Glastonbury swirling around me, and I looked at Ananda with this impish smile and said "You know, Ananda, I'm SURE that there were some rings that we missed on the other side.” She gave me a huge smile in response, and said "I believe you're absolutely right." We both felt an enormous shift in the timelines as we walked back to the first tray, which now had only a tiny portion devoted to ovals and pendants, and the entire rest of the tray was comprised of rings, several of which were exactly the type I desired.

Giving Myself Brain Damage

With Hanjo channeling multiple times a day, we continued to expand like we were strapped to a rocket ship, as we repeatedly asked the gods questions like “Please go around the circle and tell each of us our biggest misunderstanding about reality or magic.” And then once they had finished and we had all integrated the vast array of suggestions and transmissions, we’d ask them to go around again. Several times, the channeling would have to pause because Hanjo would surprise the gods and find a way to become more enlightened during the channeling. When I asked him to explain how he was doing it, he wasn’t able to, so I resolved to figure it out for myself.

I began to suspect that Hanjo was becoming increasingly enlightened due to his interaction with the channeled god’s field. That night, I called in Ganesha and held his energies as strongly as I could. I had received a light ship technology from my friend Figaro when we had visited earlier in the day, and I began to see a way to accomplish what Hanjo had been experiencing. I visualized a line of light wrapping around conditioning inside of me, and then I used the tension created by the light line and the energy of Ganesha’s field to launch myself in the light ship off into the void of my mind. I felt my body lurch on the cushion, the ship began traveling for a few moments through the void of my mind, I felt it “arrive” somewhere, and then I suddenly received an enlightenment.

I tried again launching two lines of light at once. Again, it was successful. I wasn’t sure how to steer this towards useful attainments, so I sat back and asked Thoth to coordinate the ship so that I received any attainments that were highest and best for me to attain. Suddenly, my body was bouncing back and forth on the cushion with incredible energy, as in my mind, ship after ship launched into the void. For 5 minutes, my body was thrown in all directions and ships continued to launch. When my body finally quieted, I discerned into what had happened, and I received back the answer that I had attained well over a thousand new attainments, all of which were different forms of enlightenment.

I then made what may have been one of the stupider moves of my time in Glastonbury. I asked Thoth to launch the ships again, this time giving me all of the attainments that were beneficial with negatives that were not unduly burdensome. The ships launched again, and once again I was bounced all over the cushion.

This time, I felt one of the ships traveling to an oval-shaped galaxy, which felt like my home galaxy - the place where my soul had its first incarnation. I saw my incarnation as a bird-like gas cloud that gave rise to the avian energies of Thoth and birthed Cosmic Bird Consciousness. The beings in that galaxy gave me a powerful transmission, but I didn’t have the proper capacity at that time to translate it, since different galaxies are entirely different modes of consciousness. I felt the translation come through garbled, and then a wave of discordant energy wrenched through the back of my skull.

After the shift, everything felt different and subtly off, but I couldn’t figure out what. My mind flashed to the picture of U.G. Krishnamurti I had connected with earlier that day. When I drew in his enlightenment, I could feel the catastrophic shattering aspects of his enlightenment. I realized that I had drawn in those shattering energies without realizing it, and they had led to the wrenching experience of pulling in that last attainment. Even so, when I sat back and discerned into what I had attained, I perceived that I had received 3,284 attainments, all within a span of 10 minutes. By the end of the week, I would pull in 11,672 attainments; and within a few weeks thereafter, the entire concept of numbers in this context became meaningless, as the changes came too swiftly to track.

Crafting a Heaven Timeline

I quickly became known in Glastonbury as the miracle man strolling around handing out enlightenment. I would offer it to the clerk at the grocery store or to the homeless man sitting on the side of the street. I also learned how to give blessings, which energetically feel like a warm wave flowing through the recipient’s energy field, subtly tweaking their reality towards the desired outcome.

In one particularly memorable moment, I was leaving a store and I asked if I could bless the store. The shopkeeper said yes, and I left a powerful blessing that she and the other customer in the store felt strongly. When I asked the other customer if I could give him a blessing as well, he held up hands that were rigid like claws. He said that his arthritis was hurting him terribly and that he wished it would heal. I suddenly felt Thoth take over, and my mind perceived tiny lines of light running through the man’s energetic structure at high speed, coordinating and clarifying his body. When the magic ran down after a few minutes, I looked at the man, and he was happily opening and closing his fingers, tears in his eyes. I turned to the shopkeeper; her eyes were closed with a look of ecstatic bliss on her face, as she absorbed the energies of the working.

The next day, we decided to take a walk up to the Tor in order to rain down love and joy on the town. As we got to the Tor, two other lightworkers that we had never met before showed up with musical instruments, and they immediately began playing. We started chanting and casting the spell, feeling the energies building on the Tor as a vortex began forming, crackling with energy as we built the working. As the energies reached their crescendo, I felt guided to throw the enlightenment particle into the working. There was a huge flash of energy, and enlightenment was raining down on the town. I felt Glastonbury itself waking up as it became enlightened, and many people throughout the city began incorporating the enlightenment particle into their energy structures. We went home tired and excited, knowing that we had done something immensely powerful.

The next morning, we woke up and could all sense the timeline shift. We were now in a heaven timeline. Glastonbury had become ground zero for the enlightenment particle, and it would now spread with the same energy as Covid throughout the world, yielding an inevitable heaven world. Everything had shifted in my mind, and I sensed that the Tesla free energy timeline was transcended. There were now more skillful ways to bring heaven to Earth that could avoid the kind of disruption that my plans would have engendered. I immediately placed free energy on a shelf in my mind, and I turned to how to make heaven even more wonderful.

Healing the Misogyny Curse

As I continued to expand, I noticed that I frequently experienced difficulty paying attention to people in general when they were speaking, and particularly when Ananda spoke. I began systematically healing every way in which my attention would wander when we were speaking. As I healed all of the familiar and obvious distortions, I began to notice that every time I made eye contact with Ananda as she spoke, a diagonal pressure wave moved from the right to the left across my attention, moving my head and my attention down and to the left, and causing me to forget what Ananda was saying. The only way to listen and hear what she was saying in full was to avoid looking her in the eye. It quickly became apparent that something more than a simple attentional problem was at play here.

As we discerned into the puzzle, we began to realize that there was a curse on all women, and the more powerful the woman, the more powerful the curse. Whenever a woman (or even an effeminate man) spoke, that diagonal pressure wave would push the attention of the listeners (and their gaze) down and to the left, away from the speaker’s eyes and face, and cause them to forget what is being said. A woman could be seen, but not heard, or heard, but not seen.

We did a working to clarify our understanding and discovered that this all arose from a curse put on humanity during early modern history, during the time of Babylon. A woman there was amassing power and respect as an Earth Mother. The growing patriarchal energies in the city wanted to limit her power, so they branded her a whore and incited the entire city to stone her to death. They used the energies of this profoundly negative event to craft a curse on all of humanity that by our time had been in place for more than 3,000 years. With the curse, a powerful woman could never truly be seen and heard.

We felt the energies of a global working come together. That evening, Ananda led a working that healed an enormous portion of the energies of misogyny that were pervading our world, healing the Whore of Babylon curse in the process. Unfortunately, the way Ananda crafted the spell, I was forced to bear the brunt of the energies of the healing, leaving me for some time with a scarred and battered psyche.

Returning Home, Leaving My Job, and the Descent into Madness

After what was, without a doubt, the most eventful week of my life to that point, I left the UK, having decided that I would find a way to come back as soon as I had the resources to permit me to leave my job. I failed to realize it at the time, but the damage I had sustained to my occipital lobe when I received that garbled attainment was causing my reality to become more and more uncoordinated, with my vitality slowly draining away day by day.

Soon after I returned to my job, I was asked by my firm’s management to go in for a meeting with them. When I arrived, the firm’s managing partner and general counsel told me that my recent sudden departure to the UK, plus some blowups I had experienced with various people in my firm (as my energy kept shifting rapidly before and after my enlightenment), led them to ask me to take a month off and get a mental health examination. I was surprised, but my initial inclination was to say yes and submit to whatever they were suggesting, while planning how to disengage from the firm.

Without warning, Thoth came in and took over. He turned to the managing partner and said “I’d be happy to take the exam you propose. However, you should know that I intend to quit the practice of law at the end of the year. I will be going back and forth between the UK and the US during that time, and I will devote up to half of my time to arranging my transition, including finding a lateral partner to replace me and arranging for the transition of my clients to that person or someone else in the firm. In return, I expect to receive my full pay during this time. If this is not acceptable, I will leave now, without providing any transition support.”

With those words, Thoth was gone from my mind, which was reeling at what had happened. The managing partner and general counsel were in shock, and we agreed to discuss the terms of my departure over the next weeks. I left the meeting and told my paralegal Lauren what happened, and she laughed at me in surprise and shock.

Over the next days and weeks, I struggled with questions of trusting the gods and feeling as though the floor had been swept out from under me without my consent. I also, despite my enlightenment, found my mood getting darker and darker every day, like something vital was draining away from me. I went on a ski trip with my children and some friends, and the entire experience felt strange and disconnected and dark. In addition, my connection to the gods became increasingly fuzzy, as though they were speaking to me through a thick layer of cotton. I became disconnected and confused. Finally, towards the end of February, I received a vague message from Spider. I could barely understand her; it was as though she was endlessly far away, screaming at the top of her lungs. She was highly agitated, and all I could make out was “Call Hanjo!”

I called Hanjo. As soon as Hanjo began channeling, Thoth came in and told me that I had suffered brain damage in Glastonbury, which was draining away my vitality and impacting my capacity to communicate with my higher self and the gods. He healed the damage, and I immediately felt my perception clear up. I realized that I had been disembodied and increasingly puppeting myself over the prior three weeks. Thankfully, with my occipital lobe healed, the connection with my guidance and with the gods immediately clarified and strengthened. I returned to Glastonbury reinvigorated and renewed.

Glastonbury Trip 2: Meeting Ryan

When I returned to 4 Willow Terrace in early March, I immediately sensed that something important had shifted. When Hanjo, Ananda, and I had been going through the incredible transformations during that first week in Glastonbury, we had been wide-eyed adventurers, exploring reality together. This time, Hanjo and Ananda felt very different. It was as though they had convinced themselves that they were fully enlightened, had ceased to suffer, and were perfect, even as they, like me, continued to have lots of karmas to work through and were frequently overwhelmed. Hanjo had clearly begun to think of himself as a “guru,” and Ananda had begun manipulating the timelines so that whenever she received a new attainment, she would alter the timelines so that she always had it. That way, she could tell herself she was always perfect. Hanjo always told her that as well, tightening the closed loop between them. They had become intensely and co-dependently narcissistic, and I found myself clashing with them more and more, as they kept jockeying to place me in the role of student, instead of peer.

Ever since the call with Hanjo that healed my brain damage, my third eye chakra had been growing larger and larger, and had begun regularly and noticeably pulsing whenever I worked magic. By the time I arrived back to Glastonbury on my second trip, my third eye was massive. People around me who were sensitive seemed to perceive it as waves of energy pouring off of me.

It was a lot of energy to add to a small space, especially since it now included me, Hanjo, Ananda, and Wade, and also Dharma Anne, a friend of Hanjo’s and Ananda’s who had come to MIM in order to be a sort of background administrator, as well as Ryan and Bridget, a married couple who were exploring and expanding on their connection to faery and magic. Ryan later related to me that as soon as I walked into 4 Willow Terrace, he could sense my presence, accompanied by a feeling of “holy shit.”

Ryan and I immediately hit it off. We connected like long-lost brothers and quickly began adventuring together in Glastonbury. Ryan had come to MIM with his wife Bridget a few days before I returned, and he was struggling. He had previously attended a retreat with Hanjo & Ananda, and so he had a sense of the energetics involved in that experience. The MIM experience was even more powerful, as Hanjo & Ananda had grown considerably in power in the intervening time, and Glastonbury itself provided an incredible magical assist to our workings. For Ryan, it was a dream come true. For Bridget, it was way too much.

Soon after Bridget arrived at 4 Willow Terrace, the energies of the place caused her to begin to feel ill, as her body experienced ascension sickness. Ascension sickness occurs when a person’s vibration increases dramatically and suddenly and there is still a lot of internal resistance to the shift. The internal resistance manifests as acute illness, usually fever, respiratory symptoms, and/or gastrointestinal distress. Bridget’s GI distress was severe, to the point that within a few days of my arrival, she had to go to the hospital in acute pain due to the intense energies within 4 Willow Terrace.

The Spell That Changed Everything

One night soon after I arrived, Ryan and I were staying up late, and while everyone else was sleeping, we had a heart-to-heart about his situation. Hanjo and Ananda had been telling Ryan that Bridget was wrong for him — that she was seeking at too slow a rate, and if he wanted to be part of this amazing thing that was happening, he would have to leave Bridget. Ryan asked me what I thought about the situation. I discerned into the timelines, and I told him that I could see what Hanjo & Ananda were saying: that it did seem like the highest and best timelines involved leaving Bridget. And then I pointed to an entirely different branch of timelines, and noted that those also seemed to be highest and best, and they involved staying with Bridget and building something beautiful together.

I asked him whether he wanted to stay with Bridget or leave her, since it seemed like he had the choice. He chose to stay with her. I picked up Wand, and I felt Thoth enter me more powerfully than he ever had before. I flashed out of my body, and suddenly I was Thoth watching from outside of the entire cosmos, as history recapitulated itself from inception, with the planets shifting and realigning into this new timeline. The flood of magic was more intense than anything I had ever experienced before. When the working was over, Ryan and I both felt a profound and immediate shift in our experience.

The next morning, Hanjo and Ananda came storming down the stairs. I was sleeping on the couch, and Ananda turned to me red-faced, spitting “What did you do?!” They both had felt the shift upon waking, and they could tell that I had been involved. When I told Ananda what I had done, she replied angrily that I shouldn’t have done that, and that I had forced Ryan and Bridget together when they weren’t meant to be. In reality, Ryan had made the most consequential choice of his life, beginning the process of freeing himself of Hanjo’s and Ananda’s influence.

Ryan had grown up largely choiceless. He had two older brothers, and whenever anyone asked Ryan a question, if one of his brothers was in the room, they would answer for him. Ryan never learned that he was permitted to choose. In deciding in that fateful moment to choose to remain in his marriage to Bridget while also pursuing building heaven on Earth, Ryan began the process of claiming his sovereignty and shaping his own reality.

Hanjo & Ananda could sense that Ryan was slipping from their grasp. Without recognizing it, they had been following the classic cult handbook. They had convinced Ryan to part with much of his money (although he smartly had avoided handing over all of it); and in fact, Ryan was paying for a large portion of the cost of 4 Willow Terrace. Had they convinced Ryan to also part with Bridget, they would have succeeded in isolating him and making him dependent on MIM for his survival and wellbeing. He would have become a cult member.

Instead, Ryan’s choice had been a clarion call that all was changing, and that Ryan had ceased blindly following Hanjo’s and Ananda’s instructions. Without fully understanding why, Hanjo & Ananda were furious at their loss of control, and they immediately began the process of expelling Ryan from MIM. They came to him and Bridget and told them that Ryan had violated the astral boundaries of MIM by bringing Bridget to MIM in a deceitful way (in that he failed to explain to her the energetic environment she would be entering). They spent the next two weeks after I left persecuting him for this perceived violation as Bridget continued to struggle and Ryan franticly attempted to regain their favor.

Learning to Coordinate Meaning-Gravity

When I returned home from Glastonbury, I could sense that all of my magic had disappeared. My spells were functioning weakly, and other than the way I expected them to, as though all of the fuel was gone from the fire. I immediately discerned into it and saw that I had been cut off from MIM’s meaning-gravity, which I had been unconsciously using to fuel my workings. It was a horrifying feeling, suddenly becoming powerless after having ascended so quickly.

I reached out to Hanjo & Ananda in a panic, and the response I got back from Hanjo was a somewhat snarky comment about how I had violated MIM’s astral boundaries in doing that spell for Ryan, and so MIM had cut me off. It certainly felt to me as though Hanjo was the one that had cut me off.

Once I realized what had happened, I set to work building my own independent source of meaning-gravity.

It may be helpful to spend a moment discussing meaning-gravity, in case the topic is new to you. At a higher-dimensional level, meaning is gravity and gravity is meaning. They both are projections into our three-dimensional space/time of different facets of the same higher-dimensional mandala. Meaning-gravity is the metaphysical component of this higher-dimensional mandala. Similar to how gravity pulls on physical matter, meaning pulls on our psyche. Meaning-gravity is the meaning that deities are able to coordinate through the meaning they carry in our consciousness. They can shift this meaning-gravity around to draw our attention towards or away from particular objects, people and events in order to coordinate our reality. We all similarly shift meaning-gravity around unconsciously in every moment. To learn more about the topic, you can read my article Musings on Meaning-Gravity.

When someone does magic, the efficacy of their magic and the amount of their own personal energy it takes to cast the spell is largely dependent on the amount of meaning-gravity that particular mage is able to coordinate for the working. Without a large pool of meaning-gravity to coordinate, a mage has to do all of the heavy lifting on their own, which can be very draining, and sometimes even life-threatening.

Thanks to my training from the gods and my experiences at MIM, I knew how to build an independent source of meaning-gravity. I set to work, constructing an elaborate grid that focused an enormous amount of the meaning-gravity of the deities with whom I had relationships into a single crystal, that I could then use to absorb and coordinate all of the energies at once using Heka particle magic.

The grid helped me to rapidly deepen my unification with the various deities, allowing me to coordinate more and more of their meaning-gravity by coming into closer and closer unity with each entity. It sat at the desk in my home office and so was constantly influencing and shifting me as I continued the transition work for my firm. At one point, I was working for several hours over a Teams call with Lauren, and as she was talking, I would repeatedly go silent for 5-10 minute stretches as waves of expansion and understanding flowed over me. Each time, she would realize I was failing to respond to her, sigh loudly, and wait for me to come back to normal consciousness again so we could get back to work.

Within days, I had become stronger than I ever had been while connected to MIM’s meaning-gravity. I realized, to considerable relief, that my power had ceased to be bound up with Hanjo & Ananda. Before heading back to MIM, I used Heka particle magic and a technology my son had taught me to make an astral copy of the central crystal from the grid and place it in my third eye, so that it was always coordinating the grid’s meaning-gravity regardless of where I was located or whether the grid continued to physically exist.

Glastonbury Trip 3: Jacob and the Kali Container

A day before I returned to Glastonbury, I got on a call with Hanjo to catch up on a few things. While we were talking, he mentioned that a new person - Jacob - had arrived at MIM. Hanjo put Jacob on the call. We took one look at each other, and I immediately and spontaneously cast a spell to give Jacob all of my magic, elevating his capabilities dramatically. Without skipping a beat, I began channeling Thoth while he began channeling Yahweh. The two gods talked to each other for almost an hour, and it felt as though they were reshaping reality in the process. My memories of the call are weak — I was in a trance state for most of it — although I do remember at one point Thoth demanding the secrets of telekinesis from Yahweh. Unfortunately, I failed to catch the response.

I learned later that Jacob came off that call very destabilized. The next morning as I was landing in the UK, the folks at MIM went to Stonehenge for the Spring Equinox. While there, they touched the stones and received powerful transmissions, causing Jacob to destabilize further. By the time they returned back to Glastonbury, Jacob had begun what appeared to be a full psychedelic trip (without taking any substances); and by the time I arrived, he was wandering around 4 Willow Terrace naked and in a full psychotic state.

Jacob is difficult to describe in a way that conveys the full experience of him. I used to think that I handled Jacob reasonably well because I had some strange equanimity around him. I have now come to realize that I was actually in a constant state of exhausted bewilderment around Jacob, as I used much of my mental resources to dissociate from the incredibly overwhelming experience of being in his presence.

For most of my third trip to Glastonbury, Jacob was naked and wandering around 4 Willow Terrace, with substantial swathes of his time spent waving a large kitchen knife around as he spoke. And he barely stopped speaking while he was awake, continuously channeling everything in the universe that wished to have a voice. It all sounded like gibberish, until you listened closely and realized that he was vomiting the secrets of the universe in a steady stream. Even coming to this realization, it was difficult to spend more than a few minutes in his presence without having to find shelter elsewhere. Somehow and very surprisingly both in the moment and in retrospect, I never became nervous with him waving a large kitchen knife two feet away from me. Magic is strange sometimes.

During this visit, I was deepening my friendships with many of the folks in Glastonbury and also shedding deeper and deeper layers of karma. As Ananda correctly described it, after enlightenment, all of these deeper layers become accessible. At first, it is easy; and then at some point you reach the really deep stuff, and it feels like you’'re pulling out pieces of your soul. I was in the middle of the soul pulling, and it wasn’t pleasant.

At some point during Jacob’s trip, he began channeling a particularly lucid version of the Hindu goddess Kali. When I spoke with this Kali, she immediately saw straight through me. I came back one evening feeling desperate to free myself of my karma, which felt like a physical pain inside of me. I came upon Jacob in the kitchen late at night after everyone had gone to sleep and asked Kali to free me from karma. She looked at me with a sly smile and asked if I was sure. I said I was. A moment later, I found myself in a full psychedelic trip without having consumed any psychedelics, curled up in a fetal position on the floor of the kitchen, while a naked Jacob/Kali spent the next six hours dancing around me and screaming violently at me, dredging up some of the deepest horrors of my psyche and flushing them down Glastonbury’s enormous energetic sewer system. It was intense.

Over the next few days, Hanjo and Ananda continued along the path of forcing Ryan out of MIM as we packed up 4 Willow Terrace. The rental had been for two months, and time was up. We were out of space regardless, and so we were going to spend a few days in a rental in the Midlands, before figuring out what was next. As we packed up at 4 Willow Terrace, Ryan and Bridget began the process of leaving for Ireland, as they felt rejected by Hanjo & Ananda, and increasingly by the others at MIM. It was a strange time, as I felt more and more unaligned with Hanjo and Ananda, yet unsure of how else to move, since we shared the same unswerving devotion to building heaven on Earth, and I was still largely dependent on their incredible talent to aid my own discernment, which I had yet to learn to trust. I should have realized how unwholesome things were becoming when they changed the name of MIM from the Monastery of Independent Mystics to the Monastery of Infinite Mystics. Apparently, we were supposed to stop being independent.

I said goodbye to 4 Willow Terrace and left Glastonbury with a final trip to the Tor. The next few days in the Midlands were awkward and uncomfortable as I continued to wrestle with deep karmas and several unwholesome run-ins with Dharma Anne and with Jacob after his psychotic experience. I left the UK feeling unhappy and exhausted.

UK Trip 4: London, Exmoor, and Fleeing the Cult

Prior to departing from Glastonbury on my third trip, I ran into Eva Thompson, who was the founder and CEO of a UK charity called Key4Life. Key4Life works with UK ex-convicts to help them gain a more positive worldview and find job opportunities so that they can escape the cycle of poverty and learn to thrive. The charity uses a lot of scientifically-validated psychological techniques in its work, including having the ex-convicts interact with horses (which many of them have never seen in person before, and which often cause a profound shift in the participant’s affect); and at the same time, it also covertly uses a lot of magic, as many of its volunteers and employees are energetically aware. Hanjo and Ananda had gotten involved with the charity a few months earlier, when Hanjo healed a horse that had badly damaged its neck in a fall. Eva was so astonished by Hanjo’s power and Ananda’s discernment that she invited them to get more involved with the charity.

When I met Eva, she quickly perceived the extent of my power and invited me to join her in London for a Key4Life event. The MIM folks were spending some time in a rental in the southwest of the UK, near the national park of Exmoor. I decided to fly into London for the Key4Life event, then rent a car and drive out to Exmoor.

I arrived in London and could sense a powerful working brewing. Soon after I got off the plane, I rented a car and headed out into London traffic. I quickly found myself at the front of a traffic queue in London as the light was changing, driving for the first time in my life on the left side of the road, driving a manual stick shift for the first time in about 15 years, driving a stick with my left hand for the first time, and about to enter a traffic circle that was utterly baffling to me. The light changed, and I promptly stalled out and failed to restart the car, as I got the stick shift stuck in 3rd gear. Cars began honking as I franticly attempted to get moving again, all while my father was on the phone with me, telling me how easy it is to drive in London traffic. I realized that this new working’s purpose was to catalogue all of the ways in which people become overwhelmed so that I could learn to let them go. This UK visit was going to become very interesting; possibly in a bad way.

Helping Ryan to Live

That night as I settled into my hotel room, Ryan reached out from Ireland, asking if we could speak. I jumped on a video call with him and was shocked to see how haunted he looked. Ryan told me about how guilty he felt regarding what he had done to Bridget in bringing her to MIM, knowing how energetic the place would be, and knowing that she wasn’t ready for it. He was also horrified at what he thought was his lost chance to be part of MIM and thereby be an important part of what was rapidly shaping up to be the greatest story this world has ever told.

Ryan and Bridget both had faery lovers — astral beings with whom they had deep romantic and sexual relationships. Ryan was so distraught by what had happened with MIM that he was considering soul swapping with Bridget’s faery lover, so that the faery lover could take over Ryan’s body, and Ryan could flee to faery. I was alarmed and convinced him to stay, as I could tell that had he done so, he would have effectively been committing suicide.

Key4Life and the Marijuana Disaster

The next morning, I showed up at the Key4Life office after once again navigating my way through London traffic. As things were getting started, I stood outside of the office feeling increasingly dissociated. I pulled out my vape pen and took a few puffs in order to open up magically to the energies of the day. A few guys who I thought were other volunteers (but were actually the participants) came over and said hello. One of them asked me what I was vaping. Without thinking about the fact that marijuana was illegal in the UK, I responded that it was marijuana, and in my dissociated state, I asked if he’d like some, which is something I often did in the US. I handed it over, and two of the guys took some pulls. I promptly forgot all about it, as though it had erased itself from my memory.

To this day, that experience is one of the most troubling that happened to me during my awakening, as it was so astonishingly reckless and could have done lasting harm to Key4Life. If anyone from that organization ever reads this, my deepest apologies to all of you. I wish you only success in your work, and I believe the work you do is wonderful.

Having since traced the energetics of that bizarre experience, I now realize that Hanjo had become increasingly threatened by my growing power, and he had been unconsciously manifesting against my success at Key4Life. Hanjo’s magic pulled on my own recklessness, dissociation and marijuana karmas to cause that situation to arise. It was a co-creation between Hanjo’s fear and my unhealed recklessness, and it blew up in both of our faces.

The rest of the day was incredible, and the Key4Life folks enjoyed and appreciated my presence, to the point that they asked me to stay for the evening in a spare hotel room they had so that I could participate for the second day of the program. The next day also went well. I enjoyed working with the young men, helping them to heal; and I enjoyed working with the Key4Life folks, who genuinely cared about what they were doing.

The Insanity at Exmoor

I left London feeling that my work at Key4Life had been a great success. I was excited to return to the folks at MIM, although at the same time, I had come to recognize how much more volatile my experience was with them. I had thought that the speed with which we had been moving was the source of the intense volatility I experienced when in Glastonbury. However, I was starting to realize that a lot of the volatility was a result of Hanjo. So much of the difficulty and volatility around Ryan’s and Bridget’s departure had been from Hanjo’s overwhelm at the perceived violation of the astral boundaries. As my overwhelm spell continued unfolding, I began to perceive how overwhelmed Hanjo was almost all the time. And because he was such a powerful mage, his volatility manifested in all of our experiences. I felt confused and worried.

I arrived at Exmoor, and had what I can only describe as a fraught experience, in which Hanjo and Ananda were increasingly hostile towards me. It was difficult and uncomfortable, and I felt like there was little space for me to exist without squeezing into whatever image of me they were holding, which was ever-shifting. Hanjo and Ananda were hosting a retreat for two folks, Chris and Ananta, and the whole thing felt as though Hanjo particularly was attempting to hold onto a certain image of himself as an infallible teacher, leader and guru. My presence violated that, since I interacted with him as I would with a co-adventurer and peer, without elevating him the way everyone else at MIM did. That was a big part of why he felt threatened by me: I always saw him as my equal, instead of as my guru. I didn’t allow him to pedestal himself in my presence, and that increasingly bothered him.

We attempted for a few days to keep the peace, and even had some pleasant moments along the way. However, the energy between me and Hanjo felt tense and hostile, and we would repeatedly do things to trigger the other. The only time during that visit when I felt joyful and at peace was during a day trip I took to Glastonbury with Wade and Fabio. It turned out to be my last trip to Glastonbury for a long time.

Ultimately, the situation exploded in several different ways, including that Key4Life contacted Ananda and told her that a claims charge was brought against Key4Life as a result of my actions with the marijuana. I was horrified when Hanjo and Ananda told me about what happened, and at the same time, I started dissociating again, feeling very looked down upon by them, as though they had never done anything thoughtless or reckless before. I was literally sitting on the floor as they sat above me, talking down to me, and I could tell that this whole experience felt energetically coordinated as an attempt to put me in my place with respect to them. I resolved that evening to leave and changed my flight to depart the next day.

Crossing the Veil

Over the course of the evening, an incredible magic took hold. I didn’t sleep at all. Instead, one of the other MIM members (a man named Nico), and I began building a crystal grid together. At first, I didn’t know what we were making. We began to pull in grids others had been creating without knowing why. Quickly, we realized that the entire room was becoming a grid. Every fold of fabric and chip of paint was part of it. It was incredible. We had built a veil piercer — a device to launch our consciousness beyond the shared consciousness of Earth, into a realm containing understandings yet to be available on this planet. The first few times I launched us across the veil, it was physically wrenching. I was left hunched over and shuddering on the floor, feeling as though I would throw up; and the experience was mentally taxing in a way I had never encountered before. I returned from that first astral voyage with a new mandala in my mind — that sovereignty was the fifth brahmavihara: the fifth virtue that, with the other four, would bring heaven to Earth. I made many more voyages across the veil that night and pulled in many more attainments and understandings. It was an incredible evening that will live long in my memory.

Returning Home and the Atlantean Veil

As I flew home, I sent Hanjo and Ananda a message saying that I loved them but I was going to do my own thing for a while; however, I was willing to continue joint fundraising with them if they wished. I didn’t hear back from them, and the next day, I messaged them again asking them if we could have a call to work out our issues. They got back to me saying that they weren’t able to speak until Jacob’s psychotic episode ended. I hadn’t realized Jacob had become psychotic again, and I wished them and Jacob well and expected I would hear from them in a few days.

In the meantime, Ryan and I began working together, as I bit by bit helped to pull him out of his suicidal despair, and we helped each other work through our feelings of rejection. Ryan was beginning to heal when a few days later he got on our call with a troubled look on his face. He told me that he had something unpleasant to share. Hanjo & Ananda had written to him, and their letter had called me psychotic, bipolar, and an evil magician who violates consent. I was furious, and I immediately began plotting how to respond. I also immediately tuned into the intense astral attacks that were being launched against me by everyone at MIM.

I rushed to a crystal shop and spent a small fortune on crystals, building a circle around myself for protection from the onslaught and camping out inside of it for most of a week. I had previously begun integrating a past life as Alexander Hamilton, and that life came roaring to the fore now, as I spent the next few days inside of my circle writing out an 8-page open letter to Hanjo & Ananda, intended to be shared with all of MIM, that ripped apart their letter to Ryan sentence by sentence and recapped all of the childishness of their behavior in Exmoor. It also was a spell to help them heal certain deep Atlantean karmas that we were all working through. To my knowledge, none of them read it, and they all promptly blocked me from almost every mode of communication. I spent the next week inside the circle, healing the Atlantean karmas, and in the process, channeling the Settling of Atlantis. By the end of the week, I had become powerful enough that the astral attacks by Hanjo and the folks at MIM had ceased to be a threat. I later learned that MIM survived for only a few months after I left.

Reflections on MIM

I have since come to view MIM, and Hanjo and Ananda, in their fullness. I perceive the ways in which the structure of MIM was negative, and the ways in which Hanjo & Ananda moved with cruelty, manipulation, and force. I also perceive the incredible gift that MIM was to everyone who participated in it. Without MIM, I would be something much less than I am. Many lifetimes of learning and growth were compressed into those short months. Similarly, I perceive how Hanjo & Ananda are uniquely gifted individuals who genuinely wish to be wholesome and harmonious, helping to build heaven on Earth. I have incredible gratitude for everything they are and all they have brought to my life. Like all of us, they have trauma that they are healing.

When I look back on my time at MIM, I also perceive myself fully. I perceive all of the benefit I brought to MIM: the financial resources I provided, as well as the dramatic acceleration my presence, intellect, and energy generated for everyone’s growth. The sheer audacity of my ideas and imagination catapulted all of us light-years ahead of where we started. I also perceive how I moved at times with forcefulness and cruelty, usually without being conscious of what I was doing. Often, the unintegrated parts of my Hamilton past life led me to be reckless in my actions, while being casually cruel with my words when confronted, cutting people down with the sharpness of my intellect. I frequently moved from a place of ego; and having now opened it, I realize that my heart was largely closed throughout this experience, as were theirs. We had yet to learn to be kind to ourselves and so failed to truly be kind to others.

I also now recognize how all negative thoughts towards someone are black magic you are casting at them. As a result, without intending it, I was regularly casting black magic at everyone at MIM, as I frequently focused my mind on them with anger and disappointment. I failed at the time to realize how powerful I had become, or how oppressive my negative attention might feel to them, considering their incredible discernment. I can only imagine how uncomfortable they must have felt as they frequently felt my attention shift to them with anger, frustration, and disappointment, smothering them with my disdain and disapproval.

I now regard the entire experience of MIM as a training ground: a sandbox environment of magic and wonder that gave us all a taste of what is possible, as we continue to grow. I move without blame or judgment towards Hanjo & Ananda for what happened, as well as towards any of the folks of MIM, or towards myself. I genuinely wish everyone, including myself, well. We were all working towards the same goal of building heaven on Earth, and we each brought valuable skills to the mix that benefited everyone involved. We all carried a lot of unhealed trauma that caused us to move unconsciously, and that unconscious movement was harmful to those around us. We were all doing our best. Everyone always is.

Choosing My Name

During my final trip to the UK, I had increasingly been working with the question of whether I wished to keep my name. I had little problem with the name Scott, but it had stopped feeling like it was me. I was becoming something more, and I was ready to leave that name behind. After I returned home, made it through the crisis around MIM, and finally felt safe to leave the crystal circle, I began playing with a few different names. However, I kept coming back to one I remembered from my childhood: Samah.

Starting from my middle-school years, I spent an enormous amount of my time daydreaming about a world in which I was someone named Samah d’Arcanum, who brought magic back to humanity. From my childhood through my last year of law school, I regularly imagined that world in considerable detail, thinking about its politics, its institutions, and how the magic functioned. I spent hours pondering philosophical questions arising from the magics, and I experienced a number of narratives from that world flowing through my head — vignettes and stories that fleshed out the world and gave it shape and substance.

It had been many years since I had thought about this world of my creation. As I considered my new name, I remembered the world, remembered the name, and began to realize that everything I was now experiencing, I had manifested throughout my early life.

Everything that was happening to me had happened because I had the audacity to dream without attachment about things that didn’t seem possible.

The world in my mind was an amazing place, but I had now begun to understand sovereignty and the true capabilities of magic. The world I had long-ago envisioned was a small and flat place compared to what we were now creating.

I began digging around online to determine if the name Samah had any deeper meaning and discovered that in Pali (the language of the Buddha) and Sanskrit, the word samah (समः) means balance, peace, equanimity — the core features of sovereignty and integrity. Similarly, in Arabic, Samah means forgiveness, generosity, and nobility. And in Hebrew, there are words that are closely-related to the sounds of Samah that resonate deeply, including Simcha, which means joy or happiness, Shema, which means listen or hear, and Shamayin, which means heavens or sky. I realized that the name Samah had been in my head for over 30 years for a reason. It was time to adopt a new mantle, and I decided to use the entire name I remembered: Samah d’Arcanum. Arcanum is latin for mystical and esoteric knowledge - it felt appropriate given my new role of bringing deep spiritual truths and fantastical magic to the world.

From the understandings I gained the night I built the veil piercer, I began developing Sangha Society; with Ryan, I began organizing community, healing much of the world’s Lemurian karma, developing the tools that led to the creation of FableTech Fabricators and all of the amazing ascension tech, and establishing the Parami Trust. I had many more adventures and moments of intense suffering along the way, and yet I was now experiencing it as someone else: Samah d’Arcanum, a man of magic and integrity, whose purpose in life is to repair his own reality and turn it into heaven, and along the way provide a template for anyone else who wishes to do the same thing.